Just Give It To Me Straight
When exchanging feedback with other writers, have you ever heard things like:
Don’t coddle me
I don’t need you to be nice
Skip the fluff, I’ve got thick skin
Just give it to me straight
I’ve heard many variations on these statements, and it signals a significant misunderstanding of the purpose of praise between writers; namely, that praise is nothing more than fluff, an accommodation for sensitive writers who need the blow of critiques to be softened by flattery. It even implies that when the writers saying these things receive praise, they automatically believe it to be dishonest, which reveals three sad possibilities about how they’re thinking about praise: they may be highly self-critical of their own writing, the praise they give to others may be dishonest, and/or they may have become embittered by receiving token praise in the past.
On the other hand, maybe you’re in a critique group that values positive feedback, but it’s not usually substantial. The positive portion of the feedback might be something along the lines of “I loved the overall story” while the critique portion might be detailed multi-sentence explanations attached to specific passages. I myself have given feedback like this, and I was well-intentioned. But when praise is tacked on as only an introduction to detailed critique, it can feel like the fluff those cynical writers are talking about.
While I argue in favor of praise between writers, I don’t mean just any kind of praise—I mean specific praise, honest praise, and praise without agenda. Dishonest, vague, and/or controlling praise can be ineffective and, in some cases, even detrimental. This post will only cover specific praise, but stay tuned for Part 2 to learn about the other two aspects.
Specific Praise Is a Mirror
An important goal of critique is to hold up a mirror to the writer so they can evaluate the needs of their work in an informed way before revising. And in my opinion, critique that includes positive feedback is a more accurate mirror than solely negative critique.
My perspective on specific praise comes directly from my time as a high school English teacher. In my master’s program, I read research showing how important specific praise is for students. For example, Chalk and Bizo conclude this in a 2004 study of fourth graders titled Specific Praise Improves On-Task Behavior and Numeracy Enjoyment:
When praise is specific it carries with it more information than a purely positive remark, and thus affords pupils more control of their learning. We argue that specific praise is more effective at promoting the behaviour it reinforces because it makes the contingency between behaviour and praise more explicit.
In other words, specific praise is effective at reinforcing behaviors because it makes it clear what behavior the praise is actually connected to—AKA, it’s a more accurate mirror, so the recipient is better informed as to what they did well.
When I applied this strategy with teenage students, I was blown away by how it helped them grow. Once I told a student, “I heard you cite your classmate’s point when you made your argument. It really helped me connect the dots between your ideas.” Not only did they light up, but they started citing their classmates more frequently during other lessons, without being asked to do so, and reinforced their own good speaking and listening habits.
When I’ve applied the same strategy with adult writers, I’ve not only been told that my feedback is motivating and useful, but I’ve seen writing strengthen between drafts. I don’t think we grow out of this human need for positive reflection just because we grow up.
Specific Praise Between Writers
In a writing context, specific positive feedback tells us what to keep, and what to keep doing. When someone praises my writing with specificity, it tells me that something is working, and I should keep it and build on it. For me, sometimes no news means bad news; if I get radio silence on a large section of writing, I might assume it’s not doing what I wanted it to and start changing and deleting. Hearing detailed description of why something works, on the other hand, allows me to:
Set aside that part of my book as effective and stop wondering if it’s landing
Use the information about how that part of my book is landing to inform the writing that comes next
Understand why my writing is working so I can replicate it in the future
What I mean by that last bullet point is that specific praise can reinforce good writing habits beyond the text at hand. When I’m told that something in my writing is working, I am more likely to do that type of writing again elsewhere in the manuscript—and in my writing life in general. I told a client once that a section of banter between their MC and love interest was funny and filled with chemistry. They were shocked and confessed they never expected they’d be able to write banter. And guess what? The next story I read from them had even more banter, and it was even better. Holding up a mirror to what was working wasn’t about stroking the author’s ego; rather, it helped them make more informed writing choices.
How to Give Specific Praise
The reason specific praise is harder than critique is because we’re geared to see the negatives first. The irony is that the easier and faster a section of writing is to read, the harder and longer the writer probably worked on it!
So, if you’re critiquing and go silent in your notes for a while, that might be a sign the writer is doing something well. That means that in order to give specific praise, a key step is going back. Here’s a full breakdown of my strategy:
Negatives. Take notes on the negatives like normal. Those are still important!
Go Back & Identify Feelings. Now that you’ve gotten the negatives out of your system, go back to the sections you breezed through. Ask yourself what you felt while you read (excitement, fear, surprise, arousal, wanting to yell at a character for the choices they’re making…).
Name the Source of the Feeling. When you identify a feeling, pause. See if you can name what the writer did to evoke that feeling. Put your findings in your notes to the best of your ability.
Reverse the Order in Delivery. Consider reversing the order of your feedback when you actually deliver it, digitally* or verbally. The writer never has to know the order you wrote it in, and the fact is, some of us (me) ARE sensitive, and praise DOES soften the blow of critique when it comes first. Is that so terrible? If it’s honest and stated separately from the critique, it can be both practical and kind.
*If you’re leaving comments in google docs, the timestamps don’t actually detract from the praise. ;)
One of my writing partners suggested a clever alternate strategy, so if the above doesn’t resonate with you, consider trying this instead:
Go Back & Search for Contrast. Ask what your critiques are standing in contrast to. Sometimes the negatives pop out so much because they come right after writing that’s working; for example, I’m more likely to notice a section with talking heads if the section right before it is filled with rich imagery and action. So try naming the good stuff the writer was doing before they stopped doing it.
Examples of Specific Praise
Naming why writing works can be tricky if you haven’t had a lot of formal training. Over time you can apply more vocabulary (“prose,” “dialogue,” “pacing,” “characterization,” etc.), but even if those words don’t feel available to you in the moment, an honest attempt to describe why something worked for you is better than limiting your feedback out of fear of not sounding like a Real Writer. I’ve gotten some truly excellent feedback from untrained beta readers who simply have a healthy trust of their feelings and are creative in how they explain them.
That being said, if you’re not sure where to start, take a look at some examples of descriptive positive feedback I’ve given writing partners or clients:
This made me chuckle. Good characterization through the whistling and jokey dialogue
Nice development―there’s now a small mystery as to what so-and-so is actually doing here, which pulls the story forward as the reader wants to find the answer
The way you write this story (the minimalist conversations broken up by periods of silence) FEELS quiet. It’s overall so well done. The omniscient perspective holds us at a distance from both characters as well, which contributes to that quietness
Nice characterization here—hint of hypervigilance
You weave in backstory so efficiently and seamlessly here!
You immediately give sensory details when we’re taken to this new setting. It oriented me so naturally I barely realized it at first!
That tone of foreboding again! Yessss
This choice of sensory detail not only immerses me in the character’s experience, but it tells me so-and-so is really focused on flaws, so it’s developing their characterization, too
It doesn’t always take much! If you have the energy, a longer analysis of what’s working can be so useful to the writer. But if it’s the final hour before your critique group starts and you’re busting through the last submission (what? I’ve never done that, shhhh) then consider the following options:
A Love this-style comment (or even an emoji) on a particular line or paragraph still narrows down what’s working more than a general “good job” at the end of the document
A slightly expanded comment (for example, Love the character’s miffed tone here) gives the writer more targeted information to help them figure out what made that section work
Even small changes like that can create a more accurate and useful mirror for the author. Instead of feeling like you have to become an expert at specific praise right away, add just a touch more specificity here and there the next time you exchange critiques with someone. The feedback you’ll get ON your feedback might blow you away and create a delicious cycle of productive praise.
Just Give It To Them Straight
I can’t tell you how much I have never regretted taking the time to give specific praise. I believe “just giving it to a writer straight” should include what’s working—that’s almost certainly a more straight picture of the writer’s piece than highlighting only the negatives and ignoring the positives.
Plus, think of the long game. Your efforts could be the first step toward cultivating a culture of specific praise between you and your writing partners. I have built long-lasting writing relationships because of how much trust this kind of communication builds. Consider putting this kind of energy out there, then see what comes back to you.
You might even find yourself applying this strategy in other contexts. Think about how much it would mean to a romantic partner or friend to hear not just that you like them, but specifically something you saw them do that you like about them. In his excellent book Not Light, But Fire, educator Matthew R. Kay discusses the use of detailed compliments to build trust between students, and at one point he writes something that applies far beyond the classroom:
The need to feel appreciated is human, as is the desire to be celebrated for one’s contributions. I tell students after introducing the activity, “That person you are thinking about, right now. Yes, that person. They are sitting there hoping that someone says something nice about them right now. Ignore their averted eyes, and know that any cool-kid smirks are fraudulent. They want to hear what you have to say.”
Like I said earlier, I don’t think we grow out of the human need for positive reflection just because we grow up. So let’s give it to each other straight and say some descriptive positives.
Next Up: Honest Praise Without Agenda
Next time, I’ll discuss the benefits of praise between writers being honest and without agenda. Stay tuned for Part 2!